While many people offer sex tips, that doesn’t help men that suffer from intimacy issues. From erectile dysfunction to premature ejaculation, there are a whole range of serious problems that stem from traumatic sexual experiences. And since men are embarrassed about their inadequacies, they don’t bring them up, and the painful cycle continues. (Or worse yet, they stop pursuing romantic relationships altogether.)
In an article published by The New York Post, an anonymous ‘sex surrogate’ describes her “life-changing work.” She says her area of expertise is “using intimate touch and intercourse to help heal a whole range of problems, both sexual and otherwise.”
It all started at a tantric sex conference (as most things do). She struck up a conversation with a psychologist, who revealed that sometimes he needs a surrogate to help his patients overcome sexual problems through touch. “I’ve always been fascinated by how sexuality can change our lives,” writes the surrogate. “And this felt like an opportunity to bring transformation through structured learning of intimacy.”
The sessions are are not wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. They’re similar to therapy. In the first session, there’s not any touching. They just make eye contact, the man talks about what makes him feel uncomfortable. Confessing what that is can be difficult. “The men are nervous,” writes the surrogate. “Because even locking eyes with a woman can leave them crippled with shame.”
In the second session, they advance to light touches, such as grazing an arm or stroking a back. But not much more than that. “[It’s] nothing wild and sexy,” writes the surrogate. “It’s about learning to recognize when touch feels good and relaxing and enjoying that touch.”
Once the patient reaches that point, they advance to masturbation. The goal to is get the man to the point where he can pleasure himself without feeling shame. And no, the surrogate doesn’t participate. She just watches, and offers words of encouragement, like “You can do it, little buddy!” Okay, not like that. But she will offer suggestions. For example, one man kept checking the time while he was masturbating, and the stress was killing his performance.
After the man becomes ‘master of his domain,’ anything goes. But again, it’s not exactly what you might expect. The surrogate mentions a client in his 30’s who “had never seen or touched female genitalia” before. So, she allowed him to check out her junk. “I slowly gave him an intimate anatomy lesson, pointing out all of the various parts,” the surrogate writes. “He then asked to touch me and with shy fingers, he felt a woman for the first time.” (And I’m sure the ladies reading this would agree, a lot of guys could use tips in this department.)
Maybe sex surrogates will become more common in the United States. Other countries such as Israel have embraced the idea, helping returning military men with their intimacy issues. And in Taiwan, there’s a group of volunteers called the ‘Hand Angels’ that helps disabled people masturbate. Talking about sex can make some people feel squeamish – and provide easy fodder for jokes – but it can also help distressed people heal from serious trauma.